Dilemma

I used to pronounce that word "dih-LEM-a", but I had a professor who said "DIE-lem-a" and I like that. So i usually say dilemma now.

Gotcha. Which way did you pronounce that? Uh huh. Thought so. I'm a tricky devil.

So, I was talking to Joe about this dilemma. He says I shouldn't even think about it. So my blogging about it completely goes against what he told me to do. Oh well. I still appreciate the advice, Joe, but I'd appreciate other advice in addition (though I'll still value yours the most...shhh...don't tell anyone...it'll be our little secret...hey, you there!...stop reading in between the parentheses...this is a private aside...oh crap...no he/she knows...all right, good idea...we'll stop talking...no one will be the wiser...that means you!)

By the way, Joe's girlfriend's name is Patty.

No it's not; I lied to you.

So the dielemma:

As you all know, I have never been in a relationship. Consequentially, I have never been kissed, nor have I been the one doing the kissing. I've been in shows, but never in a romantic part. The point: these lips have never touched another pair.

Tomorrow, though, most likely, I will have to kiss 3 girls. Sounds fun? Wrong. It's just a stage kiss in rehearsal? Wrong. Actually, correct, but your assumption that it therefore is meaningless is wrong.

You see, I don't know the first thing about kissing. I have no idea how it's done. So tomorrow when we're practicing the three alternate endings in which I would kiss a different leading lady, I have to kiss for the first, second, and third time. I'm going to flounder around like a fool and have no idea what to do and then they're going to laugh at me, mostly behind my back.

Already, I can sense that they don't want to kiss me. Why would they. I see them mumbling...I'm sure it's about me.

So, I could tell them it's my first time. Then the girls will fawn over me in a sweet, yet condescending manner and the guys will think i'm a weirdo.

Either way, I'm screwed. Unless I am a good kisser. Maybe I could be. I have no idea. But I assume it takes practice. And that I ain't got.

I could tell them I'm gay. I'm not sure how that would help. But it might.

Suggestions welcomed!

Random Factoid: The tongue has four taste bud areas. Do I use tongue in a stage kiss? How do you use tongue? Is that a french kiss? Is tongue typical of any kiss? Should this be a peck? It has to last 3-5 seconds. So is that making out? I don't understand the first thing about any of this.

Pip Pip...